Reality is a bandwidth, what’s your channel?

Hi.

I have been in this inquiry into the ways people construct the social bandwidth we call reality. Also, selfishly, I have been wanting to understand what it means to find myself, walk my path, manifest my destiny.

So here is a smattering of little bubbles of revelations, chronicles of my intermittent search, and a baby step toward sharing myself with others.

As a child I used to astral travel in my sleep, and all throughout my life I have been sensitive to what I call other realms of existence, as well as subtleties of my own environment. As I grew older, I was relieved to find that the bandwidth, the ‘reality channel’, changes with region, culture, religion and across history. Being a somewhat logical yet intuitive thinker, I understood that ‘reality’ is a social agreement. Nonetheless, this intellectual awareness did not diminish my discomfort of feeling like an outcast in a culture that did not agree to accept what I saw right in front of me.

Through the years I have met people with whom I share some of the same sensitivities and abilities. What a relief! Finding ‘kindred’ certainly facilitated my further growth and development, but I can not say that even these temporary communities helped me to gain enough confidence to accept my own perceptions. I have always envisioned myself a freak, and my associations with other ‘freaks’ did not necessarily help me to see how my gifts of vision had any personal or social usefulness or purpose. When a culture agrees that something does not exist, it also takes away its validity and its necessary employment within that same society.

So, basically I have felt an inner tension about being ’sensitive’ or ‘deep’ or ‘intense’, words people have repeatedly used to describe and often disarm me. For some reason, this is how I felt other people’s reactions, as forms of attack.

I share this about myself, because I now realize, pardon my using a word that sounds so similar to the topic, that my experience of feeling like a freak and feeling like I am being attacked for telling my story is a commonplace experience. I am not suggesting that everyone has been in this space, I am reporting that I have met thousands of people who have been there, and who exist there, or shall I say here?

In other ways I have crossed the line (what line?). I have acted as a highly functioning member of work groups, creative groups, as a teacher, student, partner, ensemble member. I love the collaborative dynamic, especially when there is a unifying intention of building something. Yet, I have often felt ravenously hungry and malnourished, as my inner world and vision was not being called upon. My inner and outer experiences became so dichotomized that I began to categorize everything inside myself as one world, and what was happening via earthly social agreements as the ’surface world’. When I felt unable to thrive on the surface, I retreated to the caves.

Now I am telling you very personal stuff, but I have come to believe that it is better to share my most intimate stories to the public at large. When I have revealed these aspects of myself in personal/intimate relationships, the negative and fearful reactions have hurt me. This is another dichotomous situation that I am working diligently to shift, but you gotta go with where you are and what you know.

This is where I am going, with today’s little salty appetizer of what I am presently seeing as the nature of reality.

Gastric juices awaken, I will leave the main course for another day. It would be good if we take some time to get to know one another.

One of my ’sensitivities’ is that I am able to ’see’ energy, and even as a young child I experienced other people’s ‘dis-ease’ when touching them, being in the room with them or as a thought popping into my head. As way leads on to way, I eventually studied various forms of bodywork which helped me to understand, structure and refine, what I am now calling my palpation skills. Several years ago I began my training as a Certified Core Synchronism Practitioner. This work has been monumental in helping me to be more and more effective to see disharmony in the body and facilitate relaxation and the healing response, It has also been one of my most profound teachers in the reality quest.

When I put my hands on a person’s body, I am following protocols that look for relationships of subtle movements in the bodymind. Over the years I have developed my palpation skills so that I can perceive 5, 10, 15 movements at the same moment, without moving my hands. Feeling these movements in my hands has been a factor that has improved my acceptance of my own gifts. Perceiving subtle energies through the physical sense of touch continues to build a bridge between my inner world and outer worlds. It has also been of great value to convene with dozens of peers every year and be reminded that there is an ever growing community of people who actively practice the development of their sensitivities, who contribute their skills to society and who are employed to do this.

So the bodywork and my personal integration work has been seeping some kinds of new awareness into my mundane get up and go to work meet people and socialize stand in line at the grocery store and wonder what it all means parts of life.

Basically, this is what I see today. Everyone is right, real and essential. All realities exist. Reality is limitless.

This sounds exhausting. Doesn’t it? What to do?

Focus.

To go back to the example of the Core Synchronism, in my training, I have expanded my vision. I have learned to feel things that five years ago I didn’t even know existed. That’s golden. When I am working with a client, there is usually a presenting symptom, or complaint, such as a headache, neurolgical imbalance, you know aches and pains. So, I focus on movements that I have been taught may relate to that symptom. I am able to feel 15, but I may only focus on 4-5, as they relate to that client’s presentation.

Yes, it is obvious that this is how we do our work, but remember, this is a story about the nature of reality.

So, what I see now is that we are all these little worlds, spiraling around each other like atoms. If I were to zoom out I would see the universe, in its limitless dynamic beauty. This idea is not new or extreme. It is reflected in the origins of most spiritual practices. What I understand now is that as one of those worlds, my existence is an integral part of the universe. My unique way, my visions and perceptions and contributions keep the universe alive, as do everyone’s. If I express my SELF, I thrive (a concept and way that is greatly beyond health, maintenance and paying the bills). If I thrive the universe thrives. It is pretty, much and simple…

…and it has taken me decades to feel this truth, like the grains of sand at the margent of the sea, through my fingers.

Assuming that you can fathom this truth, how does this relate to manifest destiny? Well, this is a very good way to start the ball rolling, don’t you think?

I was indoctrinated into the Catholic church. I was taught that there is a god who lives outside of me that knows the truth and reveals the truth. Skip ahead thirty some years… and now I see that I am an essential being, a member of the universe. The truth or nature of reality is being created by me, and everyone else.Of course we want to make group agreements. Yet, too often these agreements forget that everyone is included.

My destiny is to listen to my self, to find and express my unique reflection of reality, a highly creative and artistic act, while also associating with others and choosing which group agreements I will enter. The more I relate to others, the more of the dyanmic puzzle of the universe I see and hence have at my disposal. The focus on self does not deny everyone else. I present my SELF, like the symptoms that clients bring with them. This is what I am focusing on.

What a simple way, yet a very complex labrinth of twists and turns to have even gotten to this understanding.

And this is where I will leave you for now. I hope you accept this fodder to chew, digest, fill your belly, or whatever.