Something pushed me up out of sleep at 3:11 am. I thought it was the full moon, but according to those who record such details, that came the next evening, along with a penumbral equinox.

 

For a while I lay upon the bed, suspended between worlds. I knew where I was and where I had just been in the sleeping dream. As I stared at moonlit items in the room, I noticed that my thoughts were parting, making a space between themselves and this strange sleepless moment, while I observed. Although I cannot catalogue them now, the thoughts were quite clear, and I even remembered when I had born them, and/or received them. I saw how they bored deep into me and informed most of my choices. I felt emotions when I noticed how they had prevented me from moving in certain directions in my life, and how they had blinded me. Yet, even these emotions were suspended in ‘another light’. They did not feel fully physically formed, and I did not resist further exploration.

 

In as much as I could perceive what was happening, I experienced these thoughts as sifting down into some other place, more distanced from my present being and circumstance. And as they did, a new presence entered this liminal space. It was the future. It was much like a well-traveled fertile dirt road cut into a curvy expanse of land. No distinguishable locale, but all of natural life was there. And as I felt myself enter it, a feeling of joy and freedom arrived. I remember thinking, “Yeah, I have a future.”

 

More than that, I knew that I was showing myself that I could walk into my future, because I had learned how to put my thoughts ‘in their place’, so to speak. I felt a deep significance in this moment of sleeplessness. Without words, or even strongly sharp visual images, I understood that I was integrating much of my research, many experiences and travels into a heightened awareness, maybe even wisdom. In this strange silver light, I stepped into a quiet state of euphoria. Quiet, because this was a phenomenon, perhaps incited by the pull of the moon, which reflected a cumulative result of decades of practice. Who knows, maybe even the partial eclipse on its way, revealed such a mysterious space.

 

Beyond this, I am not sure if I can transmit the power of this experience. It seems that thoughts need to be eliminated, just as the by products of food need to be eliminated. If we hold onto the same thoughts year after year, we experience a sort of psychic constipation, and at the very least, there will be discomfort. Because I have entered so many challenges in the past few years, I have had to look at my thoughts, my choices, over the entirety of my life. At times this has not been easy or even possible, but with diligence and a strong faith in what I call ‘the mystery’, I am able to come to moments of peace. It is here that I find the most valuable insights and release.

 

I guess it is time for me to start writing again-

Advertisement